No frosting? What is this world coming to?

I realize many people use blogs to post their opinions about world events. And yes, of course I have opinions and care a lot about the fact that the White House has a $700 BILLION bailout “plan” for Wall Street, the EU just approved a $267 BB bailout involving 30 countries, BofA is going to cut 35,000 jobs over the next while, and there is alarming violence in Greece without any specific end in mind. But not only do I not want to write about that, no one wants to read about it. We are all living it. So instead I will focus today on three things that I would much rather talk about: brownies, Walmart, and Christmas songs.

Skinny People Don’t Know Brownies
I went to pick up some takeout tonight and ordered a brownie. I get home, unwrap my dinner (yes, it was more than just the brownie…this time) and it has NO FROSTING. Are you kidding me? Do I look like someone who doesn’t want frosting? No one ever mistakenly calls me “petite,” and I didn’t order a Diet Coke. The reason they had so many left is because no one orders a non-frosting brownie if there is the option of the frosted one. Everyone knows that. The girl was so skinny I suspect she doesn’t eat brownies, so she doesn’t know the rules. This is still no excuse. This is innate human behavior we are talking about. This reminds me of when you order McDonald’s or any drive through, and you drive all the way home before you check the bag. Inevitably, you will have a Sausage-only McGriddle instead of the sans-Sausage McGriddle you ordered. You have to weigh whether the mistake is worth driving ALL the way back, sitting in line again, and chancing another screw-up. No one is going to drive back.

People at Wal-Mart Make Me Confident in My Future
Be prepared for this excerpt to sound elitist. It will. I don’t hate the concept of Wal-Mart. I don’t hate all Wal-Marts. But every time I go to the Wal-Mart by my house, I am on edge for hours afterward. With the segment of society I typically interact with, I forget people like this exist. People who discipline their children by screaming “I’ll show YOU how to hit!” and lead them down the aisle by their ear. Full-grown “adults” who buy Tinkerbell footsie pajamas. Everyone moves so slow, as if they have all day to spend in the store, and no matter what I do, I CANNOT go as fast as I’d like! Most days I wonder if I could actually shoot someone. One trip to Wal-Mart and I have no doubt that I can. I would start that minute.

Stick With the Christmas Classics
Why is anyone trying to write more Christmas songs? They are nothing short of HORRIBLE. One such example: “Jingle, Jingle Jingle; You will hear my sleigh bells ring; I am old Kris Kringle; I am the king of jingling! Ho ho!" Yikes is right. This is almost as bad as The Terminator in "Jingle All the Way." We really don’t need any songs other than “Silver Bells,” “The Christmas Song,” and “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” do we? There is one exception. There is one Christmas song that has been written post-1960s that I actually like: “All I Want For Christmas is You.” I cannot force myself to type who sings this as I despise this artist with my entire being. EVERYTHING about this artist. Any guesses?

But yes, shockingly enough, there is of course more going on in my life than brownies and Wal-Mart. My life is fabulous, as always. There is just about enough snow to go skiing. I am happily not dating ANYONE at the minute. I retake my PFT (that’s physical fitness test) on 22 December, and I can do 27 pushups as of today. That’s right, 27. No, I can’t believe it either.